I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
