A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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