A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
