how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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