I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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