Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
