I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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