he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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