I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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