Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
