YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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