I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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