They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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