my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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