I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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