You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
