her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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