Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
