So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
