My hand turned me down
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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