I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
