My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
