Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
