so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Green mimosas i think yes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
