He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
