Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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