im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
