Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
