i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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