so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
