i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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