He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
