Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
