i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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