I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
