Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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