glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
