I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
