What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
