I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
