Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
