I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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