I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
