Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
