you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
