I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
