idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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