It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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