the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
