HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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