Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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