Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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