She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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