Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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