I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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