Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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