i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
