I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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