Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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