I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
