my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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