The maid of honor just puked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
