Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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