took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
