Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
