A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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