And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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