I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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