It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
