I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
