Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pants are for mortals
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