By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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