I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Boobs are out for the taking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
